Saturday, February 25, 2006

Silence is Golden

hello !!!! well i know its been a long time since i wrote...but the truth is that theres an unfinished post saved as draft and i didnt find the rite mood and time to continue with it......anyways jus gonna have to post it later i guess.!!
so coming to what i was gonna write now was...abt today......well though it bein a saturday as usual i went to college......really extra bugging cos i had a math test .......anyways the day started off pretty welll cos i did study well and though i always lack confidence ..i was thinkin to myself that i shud jus remeber everything!!! anyways then when we were having breakfast ......my friend sitting next to me suddenly told that her chest hurts (due to eating so quickly like we always do) and immediately i told her that "hey ur having a heart attack" and she pretended to die!! and then both of us started laughing and we started making things up! i told her that i wont be able to write the test cos i will be sad that my frend died....and then she told that jus after the test she will b alive again and then r lives can go abt normal!!! .....well it doesnt sound soo funny now that i m typing it!! but believe me......it was funny and more funnier in tamil....in which we were actually talkin!!! ....and hearin this another frend told " ok fine very nice....shall we make a movie out of this story ??!?!? and we made up random names and i just cudnt stop laughing!!!!! and now actually i dont remember what those were....anyways .....

then well my test didnt go abt so well as i expected.......and after that i dunno what got into me...but i was really quiet the whole day!! ive had many days like these before......and during these kinda days i take all the time in my head alone to reflect on many things.......and though i shudnt be reflecting during class....but hey it happens rite!!
so i came to the topic abt why my sister and myself dont get along when we meet once in a yr.....seriouly it happens all the time.....its always like this .......the first few days all we do is fight even though it must have been a yr since we wud have seen each other.....

so coming to the point i figured it kinda!! .......well u know my sister left for studies abroad when i was in the 8th grade .....so first reason i thought of was.......the time that i was actually growing up in my life........my sister was not there next to me to see me change thru the months......she never knew what happened in my day to day life ....which she actually wanted to understand in that lil duration she stayed here for her hols,,,,that was one thing i feel irritating cos ....i jus cant jump into the story in which ive transformed...its all supposed to b understood and seen.......so i nvr shared anything with her ..like the silly stuff i do everyday or wht happened in school.....how i studied.......what i felt abt the ppl around me!and many stuff like that.........it was like this big barrier between us which had increased soo much and it can nvr be decreased cos its still increasing.........

well another thing that struck me was......as far as i was concerned i remembered my old sister....who also like i explained in the above para....has obviously grown and i didnt know what she had become.......co si nvr knew anything abt her so it felt like something........like......she was jus connected to me as my sister but inside it felt like she was another person ...more like a stranger.........cos she also had transformed and i didnt understand it and i cant adapt myslef to that new person suddenly!! ......and moreover i didnt like anything abt her that she had transformed into.....cos wen she comes back from US...shes all new and totally different...for example ..her dressing....which as far i knew and liked was the fact that she was all indianish in the family and me being the tom boy .!! well that 1 thing changed and her the way she talks is also funny to me many times......and her standards and values have changed......and maybe it has changed for the best but i nvr remeber my old sis being like dat!! and another thing that i loved was that she was nice and chubby.....thought she considered herself as "fat" .....i didnt think so....but as sisters normally do i always tease her abt that .....but now she has totally slimmed down....which i dunno why i relly dont like 1 bit at all............

well really cant express what i feel inside since its complicated...and my sis always keeps saying things like ......i have come here for u but u dont seem to talk to me at all.....the point that she nvr understood was...in my silence i was studyin how she has changed and tried not to dislike her for her new self!! .....and well im a person who doesnt like to express my feelings with others.......like u know wen my sis tells i love u ..over the fone...i'll be like ..yea me 2.....but if i had to say it first ..i nvr will cos these things like " i miss u",,,,,"i love ya" ......and stuff ..can nvr be gotten from me so easily as i feel very un easy !! .............well and i know this post is really long now..but i jus wanna finsih with this last thought........i have always had my sister to "myself" .....i really dont like sharing her........i remember once when i was in the 6th grade ...for a competition my sis thought us the dance steps.....and most of my classmates became "fans of her greatness" .......i really didnt like those girls and it was like "she is my sister and only i get to call her akka" and nobody else shud say it!! .........and wen she comes here in her hols i know she likes her frends and wanna spend time wid em too....but i really dont like it when she spends most of the day at some frends place and then goes out as a gang for loong!! ......i try to understand but then its gets really irritaing .........so by the time shes home im all irritated wid her and so i dont like talkin to her thaat much and then again she mistakes it .....and says things like ..."i dunno why i bother to c u and get stuff for u ..when ur like this to me" and that hurts me more and then it turns out to be a big fight............and well anyways it all gets resolved later ............well i think i shud wind up now....otherwise i may itself get bored reading this.....
well c ya! hoping to write something more cheerful next time!!!

2 Comments:

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Anjali said...

Hi Sandhana ... nice to hear from you after a long time!! I totally understand on how you feel about the relationship between you and your sister! She should be very lucky to have you for a sister... to have a sweet..loving..caring sister! Maybe you just have to talk to her ... and I am sure you will understand...and this initial misunderstanding will also disappear. Me also being an older sister ... I think you are really special to your sister ... and maybe thats why she feels bad and that ends up in a fight....but hopefully after you communicate things should be alright!! :)

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger Anjali said...

Sadhana... Yes .. I am sure Silence is golden but ...I am waiting to hear more from you!!! he he he ...I guess its been a long time!!

 

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